


rocks at your window

by practically_paige



Category: We Are The Tigers - Allen
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canonical Character Death, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Past Relationship(s), honestly idk if this is good but it was therapeutic, how obvious is it that this is a vent fic, i just wanted them to date but they’re dealing with so much, if that makes sense, this happens post intermission but pre-finale, this was supposed to be cute but i made it sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:42:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28277049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/practically_paige/pseuds/practically_paige
Summary: Those romcoms Kate’s sister made her watch left out a lot of practical advice about asking your crush out. They don’t mention how awkward it is to stand outside to her window at 3 in the morning, with nothing but a rock and a prayer.They also don’t talk about how hard it might be to keep moving forward.———(Post Intermission, Pre-Finale, Kateva Relationship Study)
Relationships: (one-sided), (past), Chess & Kate (We Are The Tigers), Chess/Kate (We Are The Tigers), Kate/Eva Sanchez (We Are The Tigers)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 19





	rocks at your window

**Author's Note:**

> This was more of a vent fic than anything else, but I did really want to explore how their relationship at the beginnings. Kate and Eva are gay and stupid and everyone is healing, end text. 
> 
> TW: Kate has a panic attack in the third POV when she’s in Eva’s bathroom. It’s a fairly detailed description that I based on my own experience, so please read with caution! There’s also discussions of grief and dealing with loss, after the events of the show. If you’d like to skip the main parts of this, you can skip the scene in Eva’s bathroom and miss most of it. Please stay safe everyone! <3

_ The biggest problem about falling in love with your teammate, _ Kate thought while adjusting the strap on her shoulder bag,  _ is that there was absolutely no way to avoid them forever. _

Sure, there were definitely other problems: awkward greetings, friendship clashings, even the few awkward changing room moments (all, she might add, on Eva’s end and  _ NOT _ her own; Kate herself was always hyper-aware of the possibility that someone might look over in the locker room). All of these had some part to play in what appeared to be the half horror, half slice-of-life novel that somehow passed as Kate Dalton’s day-to-day life. 

The largest issue by far, however, was that there seemed to be no way to avoid Eva. 

She saw her in class, while entering the school, everywhere. Hell, the cheerleader would bet that if she happened to lose it and become a hermit for the rest of her life, Eva would probably be the one knocking down the door to check for her body. This wouldn’t exactly be unusual with their luck, after all.

Finally, Kate decided that she just had to ‘go for it’. Unrequited love was too much on top of everything she’d already gone through this year. She just had to shoot her shot and ask the girl out already. The worst that could happen was that Eva said no, right? And frankly, it wasn’t as if Kate’s life wasn’t already at rock bottom, anyway. Nothing to go but up. 

(It still felt wrong, sometimes. On the really bad days. The days when Kate would curl up under the covers and refuse to move for hours, with the phone replaying Chess’s voicemail just so she could remember what her voice sounded like. Liking Eva felt wrong in those times, because it didn’t feel like liking people was still something she was allowed to do.) 

But finally, pure impulse had taken control. Unfortunately for Eva, that had translated into an impromptu drive to her house at three in the morning with a half formulated plan to ask her out. Hey, all those romcoms her sister used to watch had made it look easy! 

Turns out, Kate thought as she parked her father’s car in front of the Sanchez house, they were just as full of shit as she’d always thought. 

_ This was such a bad idea. _

(It almost sounded like Chess.) Kate wished it hadn’t. 

**≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾**

_ The biggest problem about falling in love with your teammate,  _ Kate sighed,  _ is that the movies always make this kind of stuff seem so much easier.  _

Pebbles were significantly harder to find than she would have thought. And they were dirty. Should she have washed them first? They don’t ever wash rocks in the movies, but she’s probably getting dirt all over Eva’s driveway. 

Also, Kate kept missing the window. Movies also forget to tell you that you need at least a decent throwing arm and good aim to hit a specific point of a house without actually damaging it. The junior was athletic, but not in a way that actually developed her aim. Unless you counted the skeeball game that she and Chess played for days straight in the summer before Kate started freshman year, the brunette hadn’t really had any experience. 

(Missing the window here was exceptionally sad because the Sanchez house only had one story. Kate chose not to think about that.)

The girl had thrown about a half dozen rocks and was halfway through backing out and sending a text instead when the window opened. Familiar brown waves tumbled out as Eva poked her head out curiously and- oh Christ. 

The movies also really need to mention the fact that people aren’t ready or expecting to be woken up at any given moment. In scenes, they make it look so easy. The love interest simply prances out towards the balcony and exchanges a few lines, before finally kissing the love of her life. 

Alright, so she probably could have known that without the movies. Whatever. Kate was a woman in love, she didn’t have to, like, think. 

Reality was once again different. Eva looked as if she’d seen a ghost. Honestly, given their history, that wasn’t all that surprising. Kate was really starting to wonder why on earth no one had stopped her from this plan. She can practically hear Chess’s voice in her head chuckling… 

… but Chess was gone. She’s not here, anymore.  _ She’s not here, she’s not here, she’s not— _

“Kate...?” Eva’s concerned tone wasn’t quite enough to mask the sleepiness from her voice. She must have been sound asleep (yet another thing they didn’t warn her about. Kate was tempted to demand her money back). “Is everything alright?” 

“Um.”  _ Oh my God, say something.  _ Her brain seemed to have forgotten what exactly she was here for. The shorter girl had had a plan, with multiple steps and color coded lines, but she couldn’t seem to remember what comes next. “Y-Yes…! I, um, just wanted to see you?” 

There went the classic Eva Sanchez eyebrow raise. Not an atypical response. Although, Kate did suppose this particular adventure of hers may have deserved it. 

“You just want to see me… at 3:26 in the morning… on a school night…?” 

_ Well, when you put it like that it sounds silly _ , the gymnast felt like pouting. Her breath was getting unsteady. This was a mistake. She shouldn’t have come. 

“Yes.” Kate didn’t back down, though, because she was nothing if not stubborn. A separate part of her brain (the one not still thinking about how Chess wasn’t here, she wasn’t here, she wasn’t—) was wondering whether or not any of these rocks would be heavy enough to kill her and leave this conversation. Statistically unlikely, but it was a nice thought on some levels. A bitter part of her, the part that was still trapped in the basement, thought Riley would probably be able to manage it. 

“Kate?” Eva’s warm, brown eyes were furrowed in a mixture of confusion and concern. “You’re shaking.” 

Oh. Oh… “It’s n-nothing, really. Just cold.” It wasn’t. It was barely fall. It was probably still in the 70s. 

If Eva didn’t believe her (which was fairly likely, since it wasn’t a very good excuse), she was at least kind enough not to call Kate out on it. As the smaller girl watched, her crush reached up and attempted to rub the sleep out of her eyes. “Okay… um…” Kate could practically hear Eva trying to figure out what was happening. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

That was another thing they didn’t talk about in romance movies. Assumption. In all of those stupid Hallmark flicks her sister had made her watch, the love interest never actually had to explain to the main character what they wanted. They just always seemed to know that the reason so-and-so showed up in the middle of the night uninvited was for love. Real life was not like that. Kate’s certainly wasn’t. She shouldn’t have done this. Of course Eva assumed something bad had happened. Given their track record, the fact that another tragedy hadn’t occurred was frankly astounding. 

Chess would have told her not to do this.  _ Chess isn’t here.  _

“Um… c-can…” Kate was spiraling. It was too hard to do this, too hard to confess, too hard to do anything without her best friend. “Can I come in? Please...” 

Apparently, the girl was not quite as good at hiding her emotions as she’d thought, since Eva agreed almost immediately. “Yes, of course…” Those brown eyes were too full of concern.  _ I’m fine,  _ Kate felt like snapping.  _ Chess isn’t here.  _ She opened the window more widely, enough for Kate to be able to clamber through… 

… if she hadn’t tripped on the rose bush outside and promptly tumbled into Eva’s bedroom. Landing on her back, Kate felt the breath knocked out of her. In a normal state, she might have found it vaguely funny. Right now, however, she needed to get out of here. All she was doing was messing this up. This had been a mistake. Eva was going to hate her. Mistake, mistake, mistake. 

“I…” Kate bolted to where she knew the door was, even in the dark. “Bathroom…” She bolted for the safety of a private space, leaving those concerned, brown eyes behind her. 

**≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾**

_ The biggest problem about falling in love with your teammate, _ Kate thought while curled up against the counter in the Sanchez’s bathroom,  _ was that they know what you’re lying about.  _

“Kate… Kate…” Her friend’s voice, soft and with a distinct lack of its normal cheer, was making her heart rate spike harder. She couldn’t do this. Why had she thought she could do this? Why did Kate think it was alright, to keep going, to keep moving, without— 

Her breath came in disorganized bursts, too rapidly at one second and then stuck in her chest the next. Kate was used to panic attacks, but she was almost always at home for them. The thought of Eva seeing made everything so much worse. She tried to steady her heart rate, to count, to do any of the exercises that her therapist recommended… but her mind was drawing a blank. There was just her and this spiral, drawing her in. It was like drowning, except it burned. It burned in a way Kate couldn’t explain, like she was being crushed by the weight of the sun and her own guilt. 

“Kate…” There was a little jiggle at the doorknob, but Kate couldn’t raise her eyes to see it. If she didn’t stare at the plaster in this spot, didn’t memorize the cracks in the wall, the girl thought she might drown. Eva’s voice was far away from her. Even if Kate knew the words, it was hard to process them.

It was burning and she couldn’t breathe and  _ Chess wasn’t there _ -

The door slid open a crack. Eva poked her head in, obviously distressed. At the sight of Kate curled up in the corner, she entered as slowly as she could and closed the door behind her. She stayed there, trying to process what she could best do for her friend. “Hey… I’m sorry, I know you didn’t say I could come in. If you want me to leave…” Eva hesitated, trying to think. “I promise I will, though. Just… give me some sort of sign. It doesn’t have to be words or anything… you can just nod or look at me or anything...” 

Kate didn’t move, other than her chest rising and falling far too rapidly for the taller girl’s liking. Moving as slowly as she could, Eva took a hesitant step towards Kate. When the girl didn’t react negatively, she approached cautiously before sitting down a few feet away. The brunette wasn’t familiar with these kinds of attacks, but she was trying her hardest to help. It hurt to see Kate in a state like this. Eva had only had the ‘pleasure’ of seeing Kate’s parents from a distance, but she didn’t imagine she had much of a support system at home. 

And then… the sleepover from hell, as Cairo had taken to calling it (probably to avoid dealing with her own pain, the junior guessed). Eva had never had the pleasure of meeting Chess, but her image seemed to follow Kate everywhere. Lock screens, polaroids, texts sent to a recipient who couldn’t respond. You didn’t have to be an expert in grief to know when someone was mourning. 

_ Something is so broken now _ , Eva thought as she slid to the ground as near as she could be without overstepping Kate’s boundaries.  _ In all of us.  _

Kate was shaking. Her hands were wrapped so tightly around her knees that her knuckles had turned white. There were streams of tears coming out of her eyes, but it felt like watching a silent film. The girl seemed to be terrified of making any kind of noise. Eva couldn’t tell if this was because of the new environment or simply if she’d taught herself to do it in an effort to not be heard. It broke her heart, either way. 

“Kate…” Eva’s eyes were swimming with her own tears, but she refused to let them out. Her friend didn’t need any more stress. “Is it alright if I… can I touch you…?” She had to get Kate’s hands away from her body, away from crushing herself, just… away. 

The girl didn’t verbally respond, but after a few more shaky breaths, she dipped her head into a nod. Her eyes were still fixed on one spot in the bathroom. 

As gently as possible, Eva reached forward and took Kate’s hands away from her knees, holding them in her own. For a few minutes, she simply sat there like that, rubbing her fingers as lightly as she could along the other girl’s palms. There weren’t any words to be said. They simply sat there and listened to the sound of Kate’s breathing slowly return to a better speed. 

“...’m s… sorry…” The smaller girl mumbled. Eva didn’t know if it had been a minute or an hour. She didn’t care. She knew that she would have sat with Kate until the world went cold, if that’s what it took to help. The gymnast’s gaze was downcast. It was clear she wasn’t ready to make eye contact yet. 

Eva scooted a little closer, squeezing Kate’s hands in a light pulse. “Hey, don’t apologize please. You didn’t do anything wrong, okay? There’s nothing to apologize for.” 

There was another moment of silence. As Eva was wondering whether she should break it, Kate spoke up. “... I miss her…” 

They didn’t need to say who ‘she’ was. 

It didn’t feel like Kate was finished, so the taller girl waited patiently for her to find the words. “I… c-came over here…. I thought, wanted. Wanted to tell you… how I felt… about you, I mean. And it was so stupid, and I hadn’t planned it right… and I thought, you know. For a second, I guess. I just thought I could hear her. She’d probably… think it was funny. But she would have helped, though. Anything to help get rid of my stupid crush on her, really.” 

There were so many unspoken things brought to light. Eva had guessed that Kate’s feelings for her best friend might have been stronger than the other girl’s, but it was another thing to hear her acknowledge it. Dimly, she wondered if Kate had ever actually admitted it to herself. 

The darker-haired female continued. “I didn’t… I’m sorry, I’m sorry—” The tears still fell down her face, but they came more slowly. Eva wanted to reach out and wipe them away. She wanted to hold Kate, to wrap her up and take her somewhere where she couldn’t be hurt anymore. The poor girl had been through so much. The world wasn’t safe. If this year had taught them anything, it was that you couldn’t protect yourself from everything. Reality wasn’t like romance movies, with their simple plots and characters that always had nice adventures. 

Eva still wanted to believe in happy endings, though. She wanted to believe that she and Kate might get one.

“I guess I didn’t… I didn’t think it would be this hard, somehow. Chess not being here. For this. I didn’t think it would matter, and…” Kate sniffled a bit, hands cold where they were holding Eva’s. She still wouldn’t look up. “... I’m sorry, I know… y-you didn’t even know her. And I’m being so selfish sitting here and talking about her…” 

“Hey…” Eva squeezed Kate’s hands lightly. “You’re not selfish, okay? Not at all. It’s normal to miss her. I didn’t know her, you’re right… but sometimes I think I can see her in you. I know, it’s silly and cliché or whatever, but…” She finally released one of Kate’s hands, turning so she was sitting next to her, facing the wall. “People don’t just leave you, not really. I’m not… I mean, I think this might be Annleigh’s area of expertise,” She joked softly, relieved to see the hint of a smile tip up the corners of Kate’s mouth. “But I think that people affect us. Leave their mark. Even when they have to go too soon. It’s sort of like… you know, those guest books at weddings. Everyone writes their name and message into it, and in the end, it’s filled with all sorts of advice for the new couple. You carry them with you that way… I think people are sort of like that.” 

There was a moment of silence. “That’s pretty poetic of you, Eva Sanchez.” Kate’s brown eyes finally met the girl’s own, and the taller junior was relieved to see they were no longer filled with liquid. 

“I know,” Eva kept the joke alive, if only because it was better than nothing. “You better watch out, or I’m gonna take your spot as the literature nerd on the team.” 

The shorter girl let out a snort, the most positive noise she’d made so far. She shifted her weight so that she was leaning onto her friend. Eva noticed that Kate was still holding her hand. Suddenly grateful for the bathroom’s cover of darkness, Eva tried to ignore the flush of heat cheeks.

Love just had to be so damn complicated, didn’t it? 

“I miss her, sometimes.” Kate whispered after a few moments of silence, leaning her head on Eva’s shoulder. “I keep expecting her to call me or pick me up from school. I keep waiting…” She trailed off. 

There were so many things left unsaid, but Eva thought she understood. “She wouldn’t have expected you to spend your life waiting for her, Kate.” The taller teen nudged her friend. “I know that Chess wouldn’t have wanted that for you.” 

Kate said nothing, but her hand clutched more tightly to the other girl’s and the junior knew that she was saying the right thing. When her father had passed away several years ago, Eva had remembered how wrong the world felt without him. Even when people thought she’d been doing better, she couldn’t stop the guilt from crashing into her like waves. That was the worst part of loss, really, and no one told you. No one told you how hard it was to keep going when you knew they couldn’t. No one prepared you for how it felt to continue breathing when someone you loved had stopped.

“It’s okay to live, Kate…” Eva wrapped the girl into her chest and held her as the tears started again. They were a matched set, really, curled together in the corner of the bathroom where they hoped the world couldn’t reach them. She rested her chin on Kate’s head, trying not to shake the smaller teenager with her own sobs. “You can’t let yourself convince you that it’s not, okay? Chess wouldn’t want that for you.” Her father wouldn’t have wanted it, either. 

She wasn’t sure how Kate would take her words. The first time someone had told Eva that, she’d been angry. They hadn’t felt right for a long time. It had taken years for her to attempt to act on them, to attempt to feel alright again. 

“... I love you…” Kate finally murmured, head buried in Eva’s chest. “I love you…” 

Reality wasn’t like a romance movie. Reality was cold. It took, and it took, and it took. In her experience, life cared little for who it took and who had still been holding onto them. Her father should be here. Chess should be here. 

But they weren’t here anymore. 

And life had to keep going. 

“I love you, too…” Eva pressed a kiss to Kate’s forehead, holding her without restraint. The world made you want to grab onto a person, to shield them, to hold them in your arms forever. But as much as she wanted to protect Kate, the flier knew enough to understand that it was impossible. Every time you chose to love someone, you had to accept that you might lose them. You couldn’t give someone your heart without accepting that it might one day break. 

Eva chose to love, anyway. 

(In the morning, Eva’s mother entered the bathroom to change for work, only to find her daughter asleep on the floor with a smaller girl in her arms. Moving as softly as she could to avoid waking them, Mrs. Sanchez grabbed the comforter off Eva’s bed and placed it around the two of them. With a sad sort of smile, she closed the door. Some days were just for healing. Let the world wait another day.)

**≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾**

_ The biggest problem about falling in love with your teammate, _ Kate thought as she and Eva walked into the gym hand in hand for the first time,  _ is that there’s absolutely no privacy.  _

Mattie, who was slipping into her tennis shoes for practice, flashed a very eager thumbs up. It was endearing, really, how hard the freshman tried after everything that had happened. Not that anyone else was any better, really. Reese was practically whooping, her hands joined together in a permanent clap. Annleigh was busy texting, but she looked up long enough to wave with a genuine smile. 

They’d all come a long way, really. Kate just wished that the path they’d taken hadn’t been quite so rocky. 

“Took you two long enough.” The smirk on Cairo’s face was visible from much too far away. Her voice held the same uncaring snark as always, but Kate decided to take the statement as a sign of approval. 

Eva must have had the same thought, as she squeezed her girlfriend’s hand before pulling her in. “You okay?” She whispered into the shorter girl’s ear, resting her chin on top of her head. The remainder of the team had gone back to their own business. 

It struck Kate how small it seemed. Realistically, they hadn’t been a very large squad to begin with. Now, there were only a few of them left. 

It didn’t make the gym feel empty, though. In a way, the building hummed with life. If Kate listened, she could hear the clicking of Annleigh’s phone and the chime when she received a text back. Mattie and Reese’s voices, going over the counts for their newest cheer, filtered back to her. Even Cairo, who normally took a few minutes to herself before practice started, joined in occasionally with a comment. 

If Riley were here, it would be so much louder. 

If Riley were here, it would be so much less alive. 

Kate blinked. It was a strange thing to think about, really. It was a strange thing to have to know. They never mentioned how much you lost in life in those romance movies. The junior knew that now. Romance on a screen wasn’t like the real thing. Movie love was soft and sweet, and it came too easily for Kate’s liking. 

Real love was something you had to fight for. 

(For a just moment, Kate thought she might have seen Chess sitting on the bleachers. Her friend’s hair was down, flowing in a breeze that shouldn’t have been possible inside. In the moment they had [if they had anything at all], the older girl smiled. She gave that knowing smile of hers, almost like an ‘ _ I told you so’ _ , towards her and Eva. It felt a little like hello; it felt a lot like goodbye. 

_ (Take care of yourself, will you? _ A voice. Her voice. Kate wanted to hold onto it, but she knew it wasn’t possible. Not for them. Maybe it never had been. As quickly as she’d appeared, Chess was gone.)

(Kate thought she looked at peace.) 

_ I will. I promise.  _

“Yeah, I’m good, I think.” The shorter girl nodded and leaned into Eva's embrace, chuckling when the other girl blushed. “I’ll be okay.”

For the first time, the junior thought she might have meant that. 

**≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾**

In the end, it turned out that the worst thing about falling in love with a teammate wasn’t trying to hide it. It wasn’t failing at romantic gestures, tripping through windows, or lack of privacy at any given time of the day. Hell, it wasn’t even breaking down on her bathroom floor, trying to put something you hadn’t known had broken back into what might have resembled your heart. 

“Oh my  _ God _ ,  **just kiss already!** ” Cairo’s voice echoed far too loudly across the gym. 

_ No, the very worst thing about falling in love with your teammate, _ Kate thought as she tipped her chin up and gently brushed her lips against Eva’s...

…  _ was that everyone else had known you would first.  _

**Author's Note:**

> I really thought this was going to be a fluffy fic, but it sort of ended up like this. This time of the year is hard for me sometimes, and I wrote this to get some of my emotions out. I lost a friend in a similar way not too long ago, so this is dedicated to her in some ways <3 
> 
> Thank you for reading and for letting me vent, haha! I always appreciate this fandom’s support. You guys are always super sweet and I appreciate it so much! 
> 
> Have a good holiday season! I hope to update the group chat fic soon, so hopefully that will be much less angsty! Remember to drink some water, get some rest, and take care of yourself! 
> 
> ~ Paige <3 
> 
> (As always, feel free to talk to me on tumblr at @moxy-by-proxy)


End file.
